With the popularity of the voyeuristic end of reality television in apparent decline, producers have begun attaching their shallow tat to seemingly incongruous genres in order to spice things up a bit. Take Channel 4’s Come Dine With Me, for instance, whose blend of reality and cookery has proved a ratings success. One of the most surprising – and, frankly, most bizarre – hits to emerge from this phenomenon is sleeper hit Coach Trip, back on Channel 4 for a third series.
Coach Trip is the bastard offspring of a peculiar marriage between Wish You Were Here and Big Brother. The basic premise is as thus: a group of self-involved, lower-middle class pairings – lovers, friends, siblings, etc – travel around Europe on a coach, partaking in all manner of off-kilter activities (Tuesday’s episode, for instance, saw the group tasting wine in the cellars of a Liechtenstein Prince). At the end of each episode, the couples vote for who they would least like to continue the trip with. The couple with the most votes then receive a yellow card. As you would expect, two yellow cards means instant ejection from the coach. The next day, a new couple joins the group, and so the cycle continues.
The group is heralded by the mono-monikered tour guide Brendan. A remarkably ebullient character, Brendan’s role seems to be to criticise every aspect of the trip – a rather self defeating task, considering it’s his job to organise everything! Brendan is armed with a seemingly endless supply of sarcastic quips and sardonic putdowns, like a Jeremy Spake for the Noughties (remember him?).
Most of the couples are too dull to recollect. There are two, however, that stand out: Tom and Matt – two hyperactive, overgrown toddlers, who spent Tuesday’s episode riding through Switzerland on an abandoned bicycle, knocking back wine, and stumbling around a children’s playground – and “partial vegetarians” (no, I’ve no idea either) William and Deanne.
Deanne – picture Annie Mac in 15 years time – is rather nondescript, apart from her claims of psychic powers (something which, by her own admission, cannot be activated without the all-consuming spiritual energy that comes from... a tenner...). William, however, is on a completely different plane altogether. A genuinely disturbing presence, he has the chilling demeanour of a psychopath. He is incredibly soft spoken, with a seductively lilting Scottish voice, but certainly isn’t shy when it comes to speaking his mind. He resembles a particularly menacing Bond villain.
Naturally, he appears to have already begun to alarm his tourmates, as the pair are already the reluctant owners of one yellow card. One can only hope they can remain on the coach for as long as possible, or at least until William has frightened the rest of his dull holidaymaking peers away, the lush toned loony!
On first viewing, the show’s genre splicing doesn’t quite gel. The countries the group visit aren’t explored in enough detail, and there is too little focus on the couples for you to genuinely care who stays and who goes. However, the sheer incredulous horror of watching tedious twats making sods of themselves on holiday, getting drunk and singing mildly xenophobic chants, is surprisingly compelling, in an utterly sadistic manner. Coach-crash TV at its very worst..
